my son is nine weeks old today.
it's so hard to believe that two whole months have already passed! it seems like just last week i was struggling to bend over my pregnant belly to tie my shoes... but, no. he's growing and changing all the time. it is absolutely incredible to watch and be a part.
at two weeks, he smiled for the first time and started to focus on objects in front of his face. now he's beginning to reach for the things he's focusing on. last night, he was playing in his swing while michael and i ate dinner. michael said, "look! he's grabbing his tray!" sure enough, his little fingers were tightly grasping the tray on the swing. my heart could've burst! and then i thought, 'how silly...he's grasping the tray, not doing anything really spectacular...'
actually, though, it was spectacular.
its spectacular to think that the Lord wired our brains to learn to do things exactly when we are ready. some things don't even have to be learned; we do them instinctively. ephram has eaten from the very beginning of his life, but no one taught him to suck.
i believe it is the same for all people who follow Christ. no one taught us to trust Him, but our instincts tell us we can. and i tend to think He looks at us the way i was looking at e last night. He watches us grow and develop and take those essential "baby steps" in Him to become mature in Him. He sees us do something that may seem insignificant, but He bursts with pride as He says, "look, Father! she's grabbing the tray! she gets it! she's growing!"
may we never cease to grow, and may we never despise baby steps.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
the new normal
a few nights ago, michael said to me, "babe, see what your parents are doing for valentine's day. if they're not doing anything, maybe they can babysit e while we go to dinner. i wanna take you someplace kinda special, but we'll have to go early to beat the traditional valentine's day crowd."
first of all, i'm your average, sappy, valentine's-day-lovin' girl, so to me this was like magic rolling from his lips. second, I was especially excited to hear these words since only a week or so ago he had put our last attempt at an evening out in very serious jeopardy. he had, in fact, caused us to miss both of the movies we had considered seeing because of his inability to control himself or his four-wheel-drive vehicle in the deep snow. to his credit, we did make a late dinner. still, i had been disappointed, so a redeeming valentine's evening sounded wonderful.
and i'm sure it would have been wonderful...if we had ever made it...
you see, the weekend prior to valentine's day was kam's weekend. we had a roller skating birthday party planned for her and she was very excited. when we picked her up on friday, she was sniffly and complained of pain in her right eye. as the evening went on, her eye became pinker and pinker and was very "leaky". i was, of course, afraid it was pink eye, so i told michael that maybe he should take her to urgent care. the last thing we needed was to have a birthday party from which ten kids left with pink eye! the urgent care doctor diagnosed her with corneal ulcers, resulting from bacteria coming into contact with her eye. she said it was highly contagious, but that we could still have the birthday party if kam wore an eye patch. just call her captain kam the pirate! well, not really. daddy got the kind that looked more like bandages. the doctor prescribed antibiotic eye drops and said an eye specialist would be in contact with us in the next couple of days. it all sounded so serious! we called to warn the party guests, but most of them still wanted to party. saturday morning, kam woke up with BOTH eyes matted shut. we decided to cancel the party. she couldn't skate with TWO eye patches! kam was scheduled to return to her mom's house on sunday, but michael offered to keep her sunday night so that he could take her to the eye specialist on monday.
monday was valentine's day.
at this point, i knew there would be no special valentine's dinner. even if the eye specialist appointment was at 10:00 am, her mom works until 5:00 pm and we would at least have to take her half-way home. to make a long story short-ish, the eye specialist said it wasn't corneal ulcers at all. he said that she has eye allergies and that she probably rubs them a lot (which is true). he said what most likely happened was that she was rubbing her eyes and something got in her eye and scratched her cornea. so, basically, we cancelled the party AND she missed the valentine's celebration at her school for nothing. when michael called her mom to see what her plans were for "the drop", as we call it, she said she was tied up at work and would be there until about 8...and could kam just stay another night? of course she can.
we gave kam and e their valentines, and grilled steaks for dinner. we listened to a mix cd michael made for me, and we watched chuck. no candles or chocolates or jewelry or roses. and somewhere between the snotty nose, fear of the dark, poopy diaper, and seemingly needless crying, i realized, this is my new normal. it's not glamorous or even fun at times, but it is what i love. it is my family. it is my happiness. and as i looked around tonight at the folded laundry piled up on the couch, the dishes stacked in the sink, and the toys all over the place, i thought, "what a wonderful valentine's day." and i meant it.
first of all, i'm your average, sappy, valentine's-day-lovin' girl, so to me this was like magic rolling from his lips. second, I was especially excited to hear these words since only a week or so ago he had put our last attempt at an evening out in very serious jeopardy. he had, in fact, caused us to miss both of the movies we had considered seeing because of his inability to control himself or his four-wheel-drive vehicle in the deep snow. to his credit, we did make a late dinner. still, i had been disappointed, so a redeeming valentine's evening sounded wonderful.
and i'm sure it would have been wonderful...if we had ever made it...
you see, the weekend prior to valentine's day was kam's weekend. we had a roller skating birthday party planned for her and she was very excited. when we picked her up on friday, she was sniffly and complained of pain in her right eye. as the evening went on, her eye became pinker and pinker and was very "leaky". i was, of course, afraid it was pink eye, so i told michael that maybe he should take her to urgent care. the last thing we needed was to have a birthday party from which ten kids left with pink eye! the urgent care doctor diagnosed her with corneal ulcers, resulting from bacteria coming into contact with her eye. she said it was highly contagious, but that we could still have the birthday party if kam wore an eye patch. just call her captain kam the pirate! well, not really. daddy got the kind that looked more like bandages. the doctor prescribed antibiotic eye drops and said an eye specialist would be in contact with us in the next couple of days. it all sounded so serious! we called to warn the party guests, but most of them still wanted to party. saturday morning, kam woke up with BOTH eyes matted shut. we decided to cancel the party. she couldn't skate with TWO eye patches! kam was scheduled to return to her mom's house on sunday, but michael offered to keep her sunday night so that he could take her to the eye specialist on monday.
monday was valentine's day.
at this point, i knew there would be no special valentine's dinner. even if the eye specialist appointment was at 10:00 am, her mom works until 5:00 pm and we would at least have to take her half-way home. to make a long story short-ish, the eye specialist said it wasn't corneal ulcers at all. he said that she has eye allergies and that she probably rubs them a lot (which is true). he said what most likely happened was that she was rubbing her eyes and something got in her eye and scratched her cornea. so, basically, we cancelled the party AND she missed the valentine's celebration at her school for nothing. when michael called her mom to see what her plans were for "the drop", as we call it, she said she was tied up at work and would be there until about 8...and could kam just stay another night? of course she can.
we gave kam and e their valentines, and grilled steaks for dinner. we listened to a mix cd michael made for me, and we watched chuck. no candles or chocolates or jewelry or roses. and somewhere between the snotty nose, fear of the dark, poopy diaper, and seemingly needless crying, i realized, this is my new normal. it's not glamorous or even fun at times, but it is what i love. it is my family. it is my happiness. and as i looked around tonight at the folded laundry piled up on the couch, the dishes stacked in the sink, and the toys all over the place, i thought, "what a wonderful valentine's day." and i meant it.
Friday, February 11, 2011
back on the blog-wagon
so, it's been a year and a half since i have written anything. i didn't mean for it to be that long, but i guess i've been busy.
2010 was a big year for michael and me. we started january with a 21-day fast. our goal was to cleanse our bodies from sugar, caffeine, and other things that we don't need to live. at the same time, we were praying for some huge needs in our lives. michael had been out of a job for three months and his severance was quickly coming to an end. we had been trying for a baby since late july with no hope in sight. it was becoming clear that the youth department at our church was not big enough for two youth pastor positions, one of which michael had been filling part-time since april. there was much to pray about. the three week fast was difficult, but we did it, and i truly believe it set the stage for some great things to happen for the rest of the year. in april, we found out we were going to have a baby. after working a couple of small jobs, michael landed an excellent position at a successful communications company downtown in october. he was laid off from the part-time position at the church, but it didn't affect our family financially because of the new job with which God had blessed him. our baby boy was born healthy and whole in december.
now, here we stand, on the front edge of 2011. we began the year with a different fast. we each fasted for two weeks, but we fasted different things.
this year, michael is on a personal journey, seeking out who Jesus actually was and is. he feels like the Jesus we speak about today is often someone we have conjured up in our minds, one who fits our lifestyle and mold. he is spending a great deal of time studying and researching how the Jesus we read about in the bible did things, and is trying to pattern his life after that.
my goal is to spend more time in the word, finding out what the Lord wants my next steps to be. i feel like all the goals i had for my life have been achieved. i have graduated high school, earned a college degree, landed a job in a teaching position, completed courses in biblical studies, married the love of my life, and given birth to 9lb 3oz of perfection. and i can't help but wornder, "what now?" have i just been living for myself? were my goals truly HIS goals? what can i do to find His heart, his passion for my life?
so far this year, i've read about prayer, obedience, and courage in the bible. i feel like i'm becoming stronger with every line i read. i definitely still have my struggles, but i'm gaining strength.
i'm not sure how this year could be better than the last...maybe michael will be switched to the day shift... no matter what, i know the Lord has tremendous plans for me, for us.
2010 was a big year for michael and me. we started january with a 21-day fast. our goal was to cleanse our bodies from sugar, caffeine, and other things that we don't need to live. at the same time, we were praying for some huge needs in our lives. michael had been out of a job for three months and his severance was quickly coming to an end. we had been trying for a baby since late july with no hope in sight. it was becoming clear that the youth department at our church was not big enough for two youth pastor positions, one of which michael had been filling part-time since april. there was much to pray about. the three week fast was difficult, but we did it, and i truly believe it set the stage for some great things to happen for the rest of the year. in april, we found out we were going to have a baby. after working a couple of small jobs, michael landed an excellent position at a successful communications company downtown in october. he was laid off from the part-time position at the church, but it didn't affect our family financially because of the new job with which God had blessed him. our baby boy was born healthy and whole in december.
now, here we stand, on the front edge of 2011. we began the year with a different fast. we each fasted for two weeks, but we fasted different things.
this year, michael is on a personal journey, seeking out who Jesus actually was and is. he feels like the Jesus we speak about today is often someone we have conjured up in our minds, one who fits our lifestyle and mold. he is spending a great deal of time studying and researching how the Jesus we read about in the bible did things, and is trying to pattern his life after that.
my goal is to spend more time in the word, finding out what the Lord wants my next steps to be. i feel like all the goals i had for my life have been achieved. i have graduated high school, earned a college degree, landed a job in a teaching position, completed courses in biblical studies, married the love of my life, and given birth to 9lb 3oz of perfection. and i can't help but wornder, "what now?" have i just been living for myself? were my goals truly HIS goals? what can i do to find His heart, his passion for my life?
so far this year, i've read about prayer, obedience, and courage in the bible. i feel like i'm becoming stronger with every line i read. i definitely still have my struggles, but i'm gaining strength.
i'm not sure how this year could be better than the last...maybe michael will be switched to the day shift... no matter what, i know the Lord has tremendous plans for me, for us.
"and as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. so we will not be afraid on the day of judgement, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world." i john 4:17
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