I want to remember.

My son is now about 75 weeks old.  That's 17.5 months.  That's almost a year and a half.  It sounds totally, TOTALLY cliche, but every day I fall more in love with this child.  I'm trying really hard to keep up with him in photos, videos, memories...I can't take pictures in my mind fast enough, though.  How can I possibly commit all this to memory so that I never forget this brief season of his (and my) life?  

Right now, Thomas the Train is his favorite character.  But, he can't exactly say, "Thomas" yet.  When he sees the character in the store, or wants to watch his only Thomas DVD, he says, "Whoo whoo!" like Thomas does.  It's very sweet.  I want to remember that. 

In the past two weeks, his language has picked up dramatically.  Suddenly, he's repeating what I ask him to repeat.  He's practicing people's names and animals and noises.  And I want to remember how he can't really pronounce the "s" sound, but that he somehow gets the word "sissy" out with incredible accuracy.  I want to remember that his favorite words are "mama" and "dada" and that he practices them over and over again.  I want to remember "peeeeeeese" because it's so darn cute, and impossible to turn down.  

I want to remember.  Because someday he will be grown up.  Someday, not so far from today, he'll be very articulate and well-spoken.  And I will be very proud of him, but I will miss these days.

the new normal

a few nights ago, michael said to me, "babe, see what your parents are doing for valentine's day. if they're not doing anything, maybe they can babysit e while we go to dinner. i wanna take you someplace kinda special, but we'll have to go early to beat the traditional valentine's day crowd."

first of all, i'm your average, sappy, valentine's-day-lovin' girl, so to me this was like magic rolling from his lips. second, I was especially excited to hear these words since only a week or so ago he had put our last attempt at an evening out in very serious jeopardy. he had, in fact, caused us to miss both of the movies we had considered seeing because of his inability to control himself or his four-wheel-drive vehicle in the deep snow. to his credit, we did make a late dinner. still, i had been disappointed, so a redeeming valentine's evening sounded wonderful.

and i'm sure it would have been wonderful...if we had ever made it...

you see, the weekend prior to valentine's day was kam's weekend. we had a roller skating birthday party planned for her and she was very excited. when we picked her up on friday, she was sniffly and complained of pain in her right eye. as the evening went on, her eye became pinker and pinker and was very "leaky". i was, of course, afraid it was pink eye, so i told michael that maybe he should take her to urgent care. the last thing we needed was to have a birthday party from which ten kids left with pink eye! the urgent care doctor diagnosed her with corneal ulcers, resulting from bacteria coming into contact with her eye. she said it was highly contagious, but that we could still have the birthday party if kam wore an eye patch. just call her captain kam the pirate! well, not really. daddy got the kind that looked more like bandages. the doctor prescribed antibiotic eye drops and said an eye specialist would be in contact with us in the next couple of days. it all sounded so serious! we called to warn the party guests, but most of them still wanted to party. saturday morning, kam woke up with BOTH eyes matted shut. we decided to cancel the party. she couldn't skate with TWO eye patches! kam was scheduled to return to her mom's house on sunday, but michael offered to keep her sunday night so that he could take her to the eye specialist on monday.

monday was valentine's day.

at this point, i knew there would be no special valentine's dinner. even if the eye specialist appointment was at 10:00 am, her mom works until 5:00 pm and we would at least have to take her half-way home. to make a long story short-ish, the eye specialist said it wasn't corneal ulcers at all. he said that she has eye allergies and that she probably rubs them a lot (which is true). he said what most likely happened was that she was rubbing her eyes and something got in her eye and scratched her cornea. so, basically, we cancelled the party AND she missed the valentine's celebration at her school for nothing. when michael called her mom to see what her plans were for "the drop", as we call it, she said she was tied up at work and would be there until about 8...and could kam just stay another night? of course she can.

we gave kam and e their valentines, and grilled steaks for dinner. we listened to a mix cd michael made for me, and we watched chuck. no candles or chocolates or jewelry or roses. and somewhere between the snotty nose, fear of the dark, poopy diaper, and seemingly needless crying, i realized, this is my new normal. it's not glamorous or even fun at times, but it is what i love. it is my family. it is my happiness. and as i looked around tonight at the folded laundry piled up on the couch, the dishes stacked in the sink, and the toys all over the place, i thought, "what a wonderful valentine's day." and i meant it.