to be bilingual

in the summer of 2003, i was fortunate enough to make a trip to cuenca, ecuador for missions. i had taken spanish in school, but that summer, i took some extra conversational language classes. i really like spanish and learning about hispanic culture. i want to learn more spanish, but who knows if i actually ever will. i know many people say french is the most beautiful of the languages, but i think spanish is just as pretty. especially when it is lifted up in praise to Jesus. :)

we have had a hispanic congregation meeting in our building for years now and the people of the congregation have recently become able to purchase a building of their own. it is a very exciting time! this past sunday, we had a combined english/spanish service at our church. the combined service was a celebration of sorts, complete with a tamale meal afterwards.

thinking of the two instances, one thing is certain: our God is infathomable. i remember that summer in ecuador...it was the first time i had ever been on an airplane, and i remember thinking just how vast and large the world is. i mean, i had known that the world is big, but the trip really put that into perspective for me. i had never thought of it before, but i remember thinking that at the very same time we were worshipping in ecuador, there were people back at home in oklahoma worshipping too. and that made such an impact on me. i mean, there are things you know in your head, and then there are things you learn with your heart and that was one of them. the same was true on sunday. we did songs in english and in spanish, some switching back and forth between the two languages, and it was so incredible to me that no matter what language we sing in, God is glorified and exhalted and He honestly doesn't care. the feeling of being in a service like that is electric. between the two congregations, i'm certain there were a fair share of differences, but the most important thing was the one we share in common: Christ.

back in the swing

today marked one week since school started back up. it has been an interesting week. i've been stolen from, diffused several arguments, had flowers brought to me, read more than half of a chapter book, and done the chicken dance to teach division. all in a week's work, i suppose. but seriously, i wish there was some way i could make some of my students believe how much I care about them and believe in them. it's like some of them have been put down, discouraged, and sold short for most of their lives...and they're only 10 and 11!! it's like breaking off the shell of an egg; i know they're mushy inside, i just have to break past that worthless outer covering. but sometimes, that proves to be a difficult task. take "i" for example...he just got out of foster care and had been in it so long that he doesn't remember when it all started. most of his fourth grade year he spent at osu medical center because he has "anger issues". he told me today that he used to think he was "all big and bad" and that he had to be "in control of everything and everybody". he said he tries not to be like that now, but that sometimes he gets those feelings. i know adults who can't articulate themselves as well as this kid! he broke down after telling me this and said that he just wants to fit in with everyone and that he doesn't have any friends. of course he doesn't...this is only his sixth day at a brand new school! on top of that, he's in fifth grade, so many of his classmates have been together for years. i just felt so sad and broken inside. i wanted to scoop him up and tell him i would be his friend, but i knew i could possibly lose my job, so i just patted him on the shoulder and tried to encourage him by reminding him of the people with whom i've seen him postively interacting. i later introduced him to our school counselor and tried to help him feel safe and cared for.

but i don't get it. why are some people allowed to conceive children at all? this is a constant question i throw in God's direction because, knowing He is all-powerful, He could choose who is infertile and who could "be fruitful and multiply". there are people who desperately want children and would be incredible parents who will never be able to have them, and there are also people who don't deserve such gifts but keep receiving them and abandoning them. it doesn't make sense. but it MUST be part of the plan, right?? a seemingly injustifyable part, but a part nonetheless. the Bible warns that the last days will be terrible and i believe we're living there.

step-motherhood.

it's hard to believe how much one kid can affect you.

today, michael and i drove to cleveland to kamryn's "meet the teacher" event at her new school. lots of things were going through my head as we walked up the sidewalk to the primary school. when i met kamryn, she was only two years old. she was potty training. she woke up in the middle of the night and crawled in bed with her daddy. she was a baby. but when she skipped up tonight to smother us in hugs, she was 100% kindergarten big-girl. when we got into the classroom, it was, of course, a sight. it's not particularly common to see a blended family attending "meet the teacher night" in peace, but to kamryn, we are her family and she is not ashamed. the teacher, mrs. griffin, said, "who's the mom?" as tracy extended her hand for a shake, kamryn said pointing, "and this is my daddy...my step-mom...and my step-dad." everyone acknowledged that it's great to have two mommies and two daddies and that it just means more love for kamryn. oh, how i wish i could climb into that little brain of hers to see what's really going on in there. as her mom and michael filled out the paperwork, and chris chatted with some buddies, kamryn and i made our way around the room to see what there was to see. she settled at the kitchen center where she made toast and coffee for me while i waited at the peter rabbit table. (she assured me i wouldn't break the chairs because "they're plastic".) they put away her supplies and we said goodbye and thank you to mrs. griffin and we left. we were able to take kamryn out to dinner and she requested "the dugout grill". michael asked her if they had juicy hot dogs (a fav of hers), and she said, "juicy hot dogs AND warm peanuts!" so we went. apparently no one is in a hurry in cleveland, oklahoma, so it took us longer to get our food than to eat it, but it was fun watching her bust the peanuts with her hands and pretend the shells were snowboards for her fingers. i can't believe how she is growing and changing so fast. some of the things she says are priceless! like tonight, she was judo chopping peanuts at dinner. she held one up and said, "look how damaged it is!" damaged?? wow. anyway, we also asked her what she is looking forward to the most about kindergarten. her response was, "the sharp crayons," and i thought, sheesh! if i knew that's all she cared about i would've bought her a box long ago. but i guess it's the simple things in life that make the biggest difference to us. we ended the night by taking her back to her house. she, of course, wanted us to go in and check out her room. i'm not sure how momma tracy felt about it, but we went in anyway and had a pretty good chat. chris was especially friendly to michael, which i think was a good thing. i think the more kamryn sees us positively interacting the better. she didn't want us to go, or wanted to come home with us. it's hard to leave like that, but we assured her that daddy would pick her up on friday for a fun weekend. and we sent her back in for a bath and bedtime because the first day of school is a very important day for a kid, especially when she has a new dress and shoes to show off. =] but i found myself leaving with a different attitude than ever before. this is our life and we are her parents, full or step, mom or dad...she's ours and we have a responsibilty to teach her and love her and be there for her no matter what our differences might be. and i want to do that with my whole heart.

first timer

ok, so the only blogs i've ever posted were on myspace. i guess that counts, but i think i want to start this. i guess i'll start by saying that i'm doing this because mitchell, cody shane, and randi made it look fun.

my name is rachel and , #1, i like to shop. i wish there was a shopping profession because i would be really good at it. #2, i love my family. i would rather hang with my husband and brothers than just about anyone else. #3, i've been honored to be involved with the youth ministry at our church for a while now. it's been the best and i love all my pulse kids. #4, i like soda and mexican food, separate and together. #5, my step-daughter is coming tomorrow to stay for 6 days and i already know they're gonna pass by too quickly.

that's enough for now. more insides to come.