back in the swing

today marked one week since school started back up. it has been an interesting week. i've been stolen from, diffused several arguments, had flowers brought to me, read more than half of a chapter book, and done the chicken dance to teach division. all in a week's work, i suppose. but seriously, i wish there was some way i could make some of my students believe how much I care about them and believe in them. it's like some of them have been put down, discouraged, and sold short for most of their lives...and they're only 10 and 11!! it's like breaking off the shell of an egg; i know they're mushy inside, i just have to break past that worthless outer covering. but sometimes, that proves to be a difficult task. take "i" for example...he just got out of foster care and had been in it so long that he doesn't remember when it all started. most of his fourth grade year he spent at osu medical center because he has "anger issues". he told me today that he used to think he was "all big and bad" and that he had to be "in control of everything and everybody". he said he tries not to be like that now, but that sometimes he gets those feelings. i know adults who can't articulate themselves as well as this kid! he broke down after telling me this and said that he just wants to fit in with everyone and that he doesn't have any friends. of course he doesn't...this is only his sixth day at a brand new school! on top of that, he's in fifth grade, so many of his classmates have been together for years. i just felt so sad and broken inside. i wanted to scoop him up and tell him i would be his friend, but i knew i could possibly lose my job, so i just patted him on the shoulder and tried to encourage him by reminding him of the people with whom i've seen him postively interacting. i later introduced him to our school counselor and tried to help him feel safe and cared for.

but i don't get it. why are some people allowed to conceive children at all? this is a constant question i throw in God's direction because, knowing He is all-powerful, He could choose who is infertile and who could "be fruitful and multiply". there are people who desperately want children and would be incredible parents who will never be able to have them, and there are also people who don't deserve such gifts but keep receiving them and abandoning them. it doesn't make sense. but it MUST be part of the plan, right?? a seemingly injustifyable part, but a part nonetheless. the Bible warns that the last days will be terrible and i believe we're living there.